Tuesday 21 February 2012

SuperHorrible

What an aweful feeling.....the feeling of helplessness. Is helplessness needing to ask for help? Or is asking for help a way of regaining control and implementing further improvements? Having kids is hard :-( there is so much worry and unknown. How do we turn it off? Well, at least dial it down lol I have a problem with relaxing, securitization and fear for the unknown. It used to be fun, prekid, but now I worry too much, think too much, and the chaos of a forever plotting/planning brain is going to drive me crazy :-(  Life doesn't get easier.....so what do I do when I don't get stronger?


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Saturday 11 February 2012

SuperBrave

A teaming mass of adolesents crest the corner of the hallway and I search frantically counting for my four little toddlers. I know all the children, small and tall, and only seek the young as a fevered habit. Voices from each jumpy child reach up to me in an excited frenzy.....something about a car? Oh....something about MY car. I've four toddlers, all here. Okay, attention towards the chaos of excitment and I see the worry on their teachers face. A child has something to tell me, and it's about my car. Okay I think. Well, I tell myself, you know what's what when you park where you park, and a car doesn't stay crisp and new for forever. Besides, my Ruby Red (yes that's my lil Toyota Echo) had already been cristened with an accident. I search the crowd for the child that has this message to be delivered. The child is not there. Down the hall we converge where a young boy is sitting in a farther corner. He raises himself as his crowd of peers surround him, squacking explanations towards what has taken place, he walks head held up and eyes towards me. Four toddlers still accounted for. I crouch to his eyelevel and ask what is is he has to tell me. Infront of all his classmates, two teachers, and babies pulling at arms; he EVER so bravely looks me IN THE EYE; and says he's sorry, as he has kicked the front licenseplate to my car and has broken it, it has fallen down. Now, here's the tricky part. I KNOW my license plate is broken. I know this because I was in my car when the asshole rearended me into the car infront of me! So as this couragous fellow tells me this I make a choice. Would repremanding help his soul? or counsil? How best to guide the situation to a solution where we have LEARNED? I sought what I hope enlightened the honour of truth. As his apology concluded, I sought the eye of the children surrounding and settled on the confesse......"I am very proud of you for your courage and your honesty in telling me the choice you had made. It can be VERY scary to tell the truth, especially infront of so many people. But you did (tell the truth) and I am proud of you, as you should be of yourself. I am NOT happy you kicked my car. But would you like to know something tricky?...............my license plate was already broken". I cannot say forsure these were my exact words as alas I am a writer and memory can often endulge in a writer brain concerning matters of the heart, HOWEVER, I definatley recall the look of sheer relief that became this young boys face. The smile that stole his somber look. Later, I begrudgenly sought out my car to see (and belatedly remember) that said young boy is in kirate, and my lisence plate is nearly in TWO! lol I sighed and then laughed. Reminding myslef that a car is a car and HOPEFULLY the path I had chosen was one that would help guide in a healthier, happier light for a child I can only assume could succeed from love. For what child does not seek shelter of love when they know they have wronged? Whether it be from their peers, their parents, or on this day, a teacher.